Renzai or Soto? I'll have the Rye, thank you.

I didn't go to the zen center this morning. I even went to bed early to try to get a decent night of sleep so I could wake up at 8. Still, I guess 0200 isn't that early is it. Plus, I got up at 0500 to help with the breast milk pumping thing. Oh well. I still sat 25 minutes this morning like usual. Maybe next week.

I've been reading a book of collected writings from D. T. Suzuki. He talks a lot about satori, or enlightenment. I think in Soto it is sort of not talked about, or not tried for. I think Suzuki may be of the Renzai school? I'm not sure. Gotta read up on that. Not that it makes much difference I guess. I don't really have a teacher, and I only loosely identify w/ the Soto tradition. I was thinking of working with a koan, but I don't know if that would be a waste of time. I'm not really sure "how" you do koan work. I was reading this and it got me thinking of trying it by myself. I hate to change anything though. I kind of like what I'm doing already.

Ella has been doing well. She's almost off of the CPAP breathing machine. Once she's on the Vapotherm I think we'll be going to the level 2 side soon! Wahoo! They're even talking about giving her a bath pretty soon. Her first bath! How exciting. She is awesome.

AZC and a book

Jonny and I finally made it to the Anchorage Zen Center the other night. Just visited for their newcomers night. It was a brief introduction to meditation and the customs of the zendo. We did about a 4-5 minute zazen and a little time for questions at the end. I enjoyed it. I want to come back on Sunday I think. Check out what it's like for an actual period. They have two periods of 25 minute zazen with a 10 minute walking meditation in between. Worth a shot.

Jonny asked me why it would be better in a group since I already practice on my own. I don't know. I think a lot of the ceremony in Buddhism is done because of the basic human desire to have structure and ceremony. At least, I think that's how it works for me. I do enjoy solitary practice. I just think I would like to add a tiny bit if ceremony and religion to it. I don't know though. I might end up not enjoying that, and just blessing off w/ the whole organized religion thing altogether. I think I'll always stick w/ individual practice though. I like it.

I finished Confessions of a Buddhist Atheist last night. Batchelor never quite makes the jump to proper Atheism. He is sort of Agnostic I think, or at least very non-aggressive about being an Atheist. I'm sort of tired of discussing or thinking about god and how people define it though. I don't believe in it like most people claim to, and that's enough of that. The book turned out to be sort of a collage of material that didn't have a real coherent flow to it. He does stick to the historical account of the life of Gotoma  throughout the book though. His life lessons and personal philosophies are sort of sprinkled in there amongst all the other stuff. I found the book interesting, but I think a lot of people would not. I think I did come away with a different idea of who Gotoma might have been. Traditional Buddhism presents him as a symbol more than a man, and after reading this book, I think I view him much more realistically. I think that's good though. It's the way he wished to be viewed after all.