And I'm glad I did. I should be in bed right now. I set the timer for 15 minutes though. I figured I could afford that long no matter what right? And I stayed to my commitment. Gold Star. =)
After I calmed down for about 5 minutes I guess, I started focusing on "beautiful commitment" on the in-breath, and "free of all temptations" on the out-breath. The third precept is, "I vow to refrain from all sexual misconduct." That's wide open for interpretation, but most consider it to mean anything that harms others in even the most subtle way. So, for me, that boils down to looking at pornography and indulging myself that way. It's very hard for me to stop that. It's habit mind that takes over very easily, so I have to be constantly on the lookout for triggers. If I stop it in time, and steer away from it, I'm good. However, if I let myself go down that path at all, I find I'm right back where I didn't want to be. After tonight, I feel pretty good. I think it helped.
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