20 minutes

Tonight I worked on "loving kindness" meditation. It's different than "single pointedness" meditation. You try to work on changing your attitude about people. I don't do it that often because I feel like my concentration needs more work than my attitude, but I don't know, could be the other way around. At any rate, I feel pretty good after sitting tonight. Now it's time for bed. =)

20 minutes

Lately my meditations have been pretty forced. I think last night was the hardest. Seems every night has been getting harder lately. I'm thinking last night was the apex though, because tonight was a bit easier.
I got a new zafu by the way! =) It's nice on the buttocks. Keeps me up at a good height too.
I remembered a conversation w/ my old kung fu teacher. He said, "People come here, (to Wah Lum Kung Fu) we fix them, then they leave the school and get all sorts of problems in their lives again." I remember thinking that was pretty true. Looking back, I think it was the daily meditation, the fellowship of the people practicing kung fu, and the short bits of instruction we received on morality every day. I realized tonight that those are the "three pillars" of Buddhism. The practice of meditation, the teachings of the Buddha, and the "sangha" or the Buddhist community. The community can be anyone though. Whoever helps you stay upright. I'm surprised just how much my teacher was able to teach Buddhism without calling it that. Actually, we had Bible studies on the weekends. He'd never claim to be teaching Buddhism at all.
Anyway, tonight was pretty good. I finally able to really relax like I want to tonight.

Posting

I haven't been posting like I'm posed to. ;) Though I have been meditating on a fairly regular basis, I just haven't been writing about it. My wife is rubbing her nasty feet on my mole, on the fat on the edge of my big gut.
The end.

20 minutes at midnight

Whether or not my mind is clear and calm seems to have little to do w/ how good I feel after I meditate. Even when I can't stop thinking about things, and my mind is running around on its own all the time, I still feel very nice after words.
I think I notice more subtle thoughts than I used to. My mind can be going 90 mph, but big mind is observing those thoughts objectively. I find I do not often get tangled up in my thoughts, trying to figure things out, or actually thinking about things. It's more like lucid dreaming.
I have done a pretty good job of not gossiping at work lately. I recognize it when it comes into conversation, and I actively disengage from it.

20 minutes @ 2045

I think my past few nights, my mind has been especially active. I often catch myself off in little day dreams, or thinking about upcoming events, or thinking about past events, or thinking in general. I guess it's good to meditate, even if meditation isn't "good". I mean, even if I'm not totally focused on my breath & all that, at least I'm sitting, devoting time to myself, relaxing, reducing stress, and it still feels good to me when I'm done. I think it kind of comes in phases. It'll be really easy to focus for a while, then I'll have a lot of trouble for a while. Not a problem, just the natural progression.

20 minutes @ 2300

Tonight was okay. Started off rocky. My legs were stiff, my mind was sort of all over the place. After about five minutes I guess, things started to settle down a bit. My legs ended up doing better tonight than ever before actually.
Spent a lot of time painting this weekend. I really think I'm going to enjoy painting w/ acrylics! I like watercolours too, but w/ acrylics, you can paint in layers. Watercolours are too transparent for that. Just different.
I wish I could do a better job meditating in the morning. I feel refreshed every night when I'm done sitting.
Oh, I ordered a sitting cushion in the mail. Hopefully it arrives soon. =P

20 minutes @ 0000

Wow, that felt great! Until it was over that is. I was very relaxed and enjoying myself quite a lot. I think I can count on one hand the thoughts that rose up. 1. I remembered about two weeks ago, all of us down at the motor pool learning how to do an oil change on a HMMWV. 2. Once in Iraq, me and some other SGT had to turn in a .50 cal barrel for repairs. 3. I thought about feelings in my body a few times. Other than that, I was totally focused on my breath for the entire time. The alarm actually surprised me when it went off.
Afterwords though, I had to sit for a good 3-4 minutes to let the blood back into my feet. My left one was particularly out of it. As long as I sit still though, the tingles don't get too bad really.

20 minutes at 2230

It was okay. I had some trouble though. My legs were very stiff for one thing. Then, my mind was sort of all over the place. I think it has everything to do w/ me being sleepy. I start to relax, then have trouble keeping my eyes open. If I shut them, I start to doze off. Tomorrow's Friday! =P

20 minutes at 2230, +15 lousy minutes this morning.

5 Precepts
1. I won't kill
2. I won't take what's not given to me.
3. I won't engage in sexual misconduct.
4. I won't lie/gossip
5. I won't drink or do drugs.

That's the cut and dry version of them. I have the most trouble w/ the gossip one I believe. At least I'm becoming more aware of it. Sometimes it's difficult to tell if I'm becoming more aware of my shortcomings, or if I'm slipping up more often. I found myself involved in gossip several times today. It's such a habit you know. I'm 1/2 way through a conversation before I realize I'm talking bad about someone. I'm working on it though.

I really get a lot more out of my meditations when I do them around bed time. I don't know if I'm more relaxed at that time or what. I thought I'd try to do it this morning again just for a change of pace, and it didn't go well at all. I think it's because I'm concerned about pressing deadlines and what the day is going to bring. At night, before bed, it's easy to drop all that and just relax in the moment. Tonight was great. 20 minutes of nice deep relaxed meditation. I really huger for it sometimes. I'm excited to sit down.

20 Minutes @ 2200

I don't know if it was the 2-3 day "break" or what, but I got right into a really good meditation tonight. For one thing, I got right into lotus posistion without any discomfort at all. Maybe it was the long easy day. I was off work today and spent all my time at the teen center. I didn't really do anything but draw, read, and play pool. A very non-stimulating day, mentaly. On the other hand, I guess my artistic side was pretty active today. Maybe that's what made it easy tonight, the active right brain. I read somewhere that someone always looked at their left hand for a bit before meditation to stimulate the right side of their brain. Iduno. Sounds fishy to me. ;)
However, my legs were really not functioning well after my sitting. I had to stretch out for a bit to get the feeling back in them. I think I need one of those cusions. I think we're running tomorrow. That should help.

15 minutes

Today was pretty good. I had ran at the gym earlier, so my legs hurt a bit when I first sat down, but after a few minutes I couldn't even feel them. Ben, the dog we're taking care of, came & laid down beside me. I had the feeling someone was doing my breathing for me. I think I like it better when I wait until right before bedtime. As long as I'm not really sleepy that is.