Come again?

There's a Zen center here in Anchorage I guess. They have a 'newcomers' night twice a week in the evenings. I think I'm going to have to come by for a sit. Apparently it's relatively short period of zazen, then some discussion about posture, Dharma, or Q&A. I've never been to any formal Zen function at all so, it should be interesting. There's a Kwan Um school up in Fairbanks too, but I've always been hesitant to go there. I read up a tiny bit on Kwan Um, and they do a lot of chanting. Also, I just have a problem with authority I guess. They call someone "venerable" this or that, and I'm immediately turned off. I think maybe if I'd joined w/ some organization early on, I'd be more open to it. But I've been practicing on my own for so long, I've really gotten comfortable with it. On the other hand, I think it's good to step out of your comfort zone from time to time. And I'm sure I'll never find a "perfect fit" no matter how hard I look.

About the book I'm reading. Batchelor was just talking about the stories from the Pali texts...the man who's shot w/ the poisoned arrow being more concerned w/ the make of the bow, the arrow, and the shooter, than w/ the fact that he's shot w/ a poisoned arrow. The story of the 4 blind men describing an elephant, where one touches the leg and says it's a pillar, one has the tail & says it's a rope etc... The story of how Buddha said, "...don't trust teachers, teachings, don't be loyal just because. Test everything for yourself." And the story where Buddha said "suppose there is no hereafter, just live the best you can, and be happy now...that's most important." I'm paraphrasing like a mo-fo, but you get the gist.

I agree w/ all this wholeheartedly. That's why I can't get into the chanting, the deities, the rituals, the visualizations, all that. I feel like it's all mysticism, and it feels fake to me. Meditating feels good to me. It's logical, I can see and feel the effects, it makes sense to do it. That's why I can't bring myself to believe in god. I used to...not. I used to say I did. I think that's what most people do actually. I don't think there are many folks out there that truly believe in a biblical god that have been real honest w/ themselves about it. I don't believe there are many that truly believe in the protection of an angel or deity either. The brief time I spent making believe that I truly believed in god did nothing for me really. I would tell people it did. The power of prayer, the power of faith, when people come together in god's name etc... All that was a consolation to myself. Drops in the bucket that had a constant leak. Constantly needing refilled. If your beliefs are certain, you don't need reassurances. I will always believe 2+2=4. If someone comes along an proves it isn't so...I'll believe that then. But even then, it won't need re-proven. You just use the knowledge. You live with it.

That's one problem I run into inside of Buddhism. Reincarnation and Karma. Karma, it's shaky for me. Obviously there's cause and effect. No doubt about it. I think everything has an effect and a cause. I think nothing is free also. You find $20 on the sidewalk...you earned. Somehow. Either you earned it, or you're going to. I figure it all balances out somehow, whether we see it or not. I think existence tends towards chaos too, so that figures in there somewhere. But when you talk about unresolved karma coming back to you in the next life? I don't think so. The whole reincarnation and afterlife thing blocks that for me. Is the mind different than the body? I have no reason to think so. The mind can't be without the brain, and at least a nice chunk of the rest of your body too. And the body can't live without at least minimum input from the mind generating brain. So, why would anyone assume the mind takes a vacation for a while, only to come back and somehow inhabit the brain of another human that was created by two people unrelated to the mind giver? I mean...really it sounds completely ridiculous! This is just my opinion, and you're entitled to yours too, but I'm not buying it. Not without a helluva lot more evidence that what I've seen on Mysteries of the Unexplained.