Bad Hair Day

Yuck yuck yuck. =D

Mountains

I finally figured out how to flip an image and use it for a reflection. Now I'll probably never use that skill. Experimenting w/ some different brushes and stuff. Still trying to learn this big program.

Sprinter

Proportion is hard for me. The back hand is slightly larger than the one in the front. Also, I'm not sure about the muscles around the hip area. I'm going to have to read up on that a bit. Feet and hands are just difficult in general. No reference as always. Charcoal / pencil /wacom tablet

Niece, France

Drummer Boy

Prague

My lack of skill in Painter X sort of ruined this one. It was going nicely, then I messed up a mask. I was trying to select a chunk from the middle, invert it, mess with it a bit, and use it as a reflection in the water. I've still not figured out how to do it. Anyway, I accidentally saved before getting rid of all the traces from the mask. It still looks okay though. Learning as I go.

Anatomy #3

Harder than it looks. ;)

Watch

Don't do much still life, but this turned out okay. Painted for a group project over on www.wetcanvas.com.

Island

Eh, not so great. Saw this suggestion for people to paint an island with a giant sculpture on it. This is what I came up with...

Reaching Up

Anatomy 1

First anatomy sketch. More to come. =)

Nun at Vatican

Not a good one, but I'll post it anyway. I never really finished it. Sort of lost interest before the end. The file size was causing some funny behavior in Painter too. Anyway...here it is.

Space

Etretat

Painted using a photo I took at Etretat, France in May 05. It was memorial day weekend.
Painter X (oils)

House

This is my first attempt at getting convincing looking oils out of Corel Painter X. I'm excited to see what I can do in the future. Pretty happy w/ this farm house.

Sitting

I've been bad about meditation. I did it the past few days though. So that's good. I've been very bad about posting on here. Sorry. We're about to lose internet for a bit too, so there will be a long gap again.

I've been doing short sessions to try to build regularity again. It's a pleasure doing 10 minutes. I think I might just stick w/ that. Longer isn't necessarily better.

Work

I'm tired of work. I would like to have a simple job this week. Chopping wood, landscaping, bricklayer, something along those lines. Something I could get lost in. Something where I didn't have a bunch of people relying on me.

20 minutes @ 2230

Tonight was good. I let my mind wander off about painting. I just watched the paint roll off the brush tonight. It was enjoyable. I pictured the paint, thick and colourful. The rest of the time I just enjoyed breathing. I feel really relaxed.

20 minutes at 2300

Been a while since I've posted here. I've been pretty good about meditating though. I think I've missed a few days in the past couple weeks, but other than that, I've been doing well.
Tonight was really really really good. =) J. says I've missed a whole week actually. I disagree. Anyway, tonight was great. I felt so so calm. After what I think was about 10 minutes of focusing on my breath and then on my body, I was totally relaxed. I started in on thinking of myself and those around me in a most positive way. I went through several people in my life, then focused on myself gaining more and more positive energy, radiating it outward to everywhere. Then I went back to my breath and body. I was there when my alarm went off. I stopped it, and came out of meditation slowly. I didn't really want to, even after 20 minutes of sitting.
Until next time. =D Happy Mother's Day!

15 minutes

I cut it short tonight. Meditation has been a chore all week. Sometimes I'm just not into it. I need a bit of inspiration. Plus, I'm tired of staying up until midnight every night. 5 hours of sleep every night catches up to you after 4-5 days in a row. I can do it, it just makes it hard to meditate. I've continued to drag myself through meditations all week though. I think it will improve soon.

20 minutes

Tonight I worked on "loving kindness" meditation. It's different than "single pointedness" meditation. You try to work on changing your attitude about people. I don't do it that often because I feel like my concentration needs more work than my attitude, but I don't know, could be the other way around. At any rate, I feel pretty good after sitting tonight. Now it's time for bed. =)

20 minutes

Lately my meditations have been pretty forced. I think last night was the hardest. Seems every night has been getting harder lately. I'm thinking last night was the apex though, because tonight was a bit easier.
I got a new zafu by the way! =) It's nice on the buttocks. Keeps me up at a good height too.
I remembered a conversation w/ my old kung fu teacher. He said, "People come here, (to Wah Lum Kung Fu) we fix them, then they leave the school and get all sorts of problems in their lives again." I remember thinking that was pretty true. Looking back, I think it was the daily meditation, the fellowship of the people practicing kung fu, and the short bits of instruction we received on morality every day. I realized tonight that those are the "three pillars" of Buddhism. The practice of meditation, the teachings of the Buddha, and the "sangha" or the Buddhist community. The community can be anyone though. Whoever helps you stay upright. I'm surprised just how much my teacher was able to teach Buddhism without calling it that. Actually, we had Bible studies on the weekends. He'd never claim to be teaching Buddhism at all.
Anyway, tonight was pretty good. I finally able to really relax like I want to tonight.

Posting

I haven't been posting like I'm posed to. ;) Though I have been meditating on a fairly regular basis, I just haven't been writing about it. My wife is rubbing her nasty feet on my mole, on the fat on the edge of my big gut.
The end.

20 minutes at midnight

Whether or not my mind is clear and calm seems to have little to do w/ how good I feel after I meditate. Even when I can't stop thinking about things, and my mind is running around on its own all the time, I still feel very nice after words.
I think I notice more subtle thoughts than I used to. My mind can be going 90 mph, but big mind is observing those thoughts objectively. I find I do not often get tangled up in my thoughts, trying to figure things out, or actually thinking about things. It's more like lucid dreaming.
I have done a pretty good job of not gossiping at work lately. I recognize it when it comes into conversation, and I actively disengage from it.

20 minutes @ 2045

I think my past few nights, my mind has been especially active. I often catch myself off in little day dreams, or thinking about upcoming events, or thinking about past events, or thinking in general. I guess it's good to meditate, even if meditation isn't "good". I mean, even if I'm not totally focused on my breath & all that, at least I'm sitting, devoting time to myself, relaxing, reducing stress, and it still feels good to me when I'm done. I think it kind of comes in phases. It'll be really easy to focus for a while, then I'll have a lot of trouble for a while. Not a problem, just the natural progression.

20 minutes @ 2300

Tonight was okay. Started off rocky. My legs were stiff, my mind was sort of all over the place. After about five minutes I guess, things started to settle down a bit. My legs ended up doing better tonight than ever before actually.
Spent a lot of time painting this weekend. I really think I'm going to enjoy painting w/ acrylics! I like watercolours too, but w/ acrylics, you can paint in layers. Watercolours are too transparent for that. Just different.
I wish I could do a better job meditating in the morning. I feel refreshed every night when I'm done sitting.
Oh, I ordered a sitting cushion in the mail. Hopefully it arrives soon. =P

20 minutes @ 0000

Wow, that felt great! Until it was over that is. I was very relaxed and enjoying myself quite a lot. I think I can count on one hand the thoughts that rose up. 1. I remembered about two weeks ago, all of us down at the motor pool learning how to do an oil change on a HMMWV. 2. Once in Iraq, me and some other SGT had to turn in a .50 cal barrel for repairs. 3. I thought about feelings in my body a few times. Other than that, I was totally focused on my breath for the entire time. The alarm actually surprised me when it went off.
Afterwords though, I had to sit for a good 3-4 minutes to let the blood back into my feet. My left one was particularly out of it. As long as I sit still though, the tingles don't get too bad really.

20 minutes at 2230

It was okay. I had some trouble though. My legs were very stiff for one thing. Then, my mind was sort of all over the place. I think it has everything to do w/ me being sleepy. I start to relax, then have trouble keeping my eyes open. If I shut them, I start to doze off. Tomorrow's Friday! =P

20 minutes at 2230, +15 lousy minutes this morning.

5 Precepts
1. I won't kill
2. I won't take what's not given to me.
3. I won't engage in sexual misconduct.
4. I won't lie/gossip
5. I won't drink or do drugs.

That's the cut and dry version of them. I have the most trouble w/ the gossip one I believe. At least I'm becoming more aware of it. Sometimes it's difficult to tell if I'm becoming more aware of my shortcomings, or if I'm slipping up more often. I found myself involved in gossip several times today. It's such a habit you know. I'm 1/2 way through a conversation before I realize I'm talking bad about someone. I'm working on it though.

I really get a lot more out of my meditations when I do them around bed time. I don't know if I'm more relaxed at that time or what. I thought I'd try to do it this morning again just for a change of pace, and it didn't go well at all. I think it's because I'm concerned about pressing deadlines and what the day is going to bring. At night, before bed, it's easy to drop all that and just relax in the moment. Tonight was great. 20 minutes of nice deep relaxed meditation. I really huger for it sometimes. I'm excited to sit down.

20 Minutes @ 2200

I don't know if it was the 2-3 day "break" or what, but I got right into a really good meditation tonight. For one thing, I got right into lotus posistion without any discomfort at all. Maybe it was the long easy day. I was off work today and spent all my time at the teen center. I didn't really do anything but draw, read, and play pool. A very non-stimulating day, mentaly. On the other hand, I guess my artistic side was pretty active today. Maybe that's what made it easy tonight, the active right brain. I read somewhere that someone always looked at their left hand for a bit before meditation to stimulate the right side of their brain. Iduno. Sounds fishy to me. ;)
However, my legs were really not functioning well after my sitting. I had to stretch out for a bit to get the feeling back in them. I think I need one of those cusions. I think we're running tomorrow. That should help.

15 minutes

Today was pretty good. I had ran at the gym earlier, so my legs hurt a bit when I first sat down, but after a few minutes I couldn't even feel them. Ben, the dog we're taking care of, came & laid down beside me. I had the feeling someone was doing my breathing for me. I think I like it better when I wait until right before bedtime. As long as I'm not really sleepy that is.

15 minutes at O'dark thirty

I haven't posted lately, though I've been very good about doing at least 15 minutes of meditation a day. Tonight was nice. I quickly settled down and got into it. Breathing is weird. If you think about it, it's very hard not to actively breath. It's hard to sit and let your body breath and just observe. Tonight I got right to that point quickly. =) All the little distractions: ticking clock, typing keyboard in the other room, jingly dog shaking of and stretching, cars swooshing by on the streets outside, voices from the other apartments, they all seemed like drops of water landing on a calm body of water. Sending ripples out each time, but not enough to really disturb the surface. Also, I think I'm getting a little more flexible. I can sit full lotus now without too much discomfort.

The "secret" journal revealed. =P

20 minutes tonight. It wasn't bad. Not really good either.
My wife asked me tonight, "What does meditation do for you?" For me, I think it makes me more aware of my reactions to things throughout the day. I notice myself getting mad, or lazy, or whatever I'm getting, a little sooner that if I wasn't meditating. Keeps my mind on my mind I guess you could say. Plus, Buddha said that if you do it, and you follow the rest of the instructions (precepts, eightfold path etc..) that you would lead a happier life and be more benificial to everyone. It's part of the "path", just as not killing, not stealing or whatever.
We're dog-sitting right now. When my wife asked me if we could help out one of her friends by watching the dog for a week, I at first didn't want any part of it. After giving it some thought though, I realized it would be a good way to help someone out, would give us a small taste of what it might be like to have a dog, and I realized that I was acting on my gut reaction and not actually being truthful. So, now we're dog-sitting. I'm very glad we did. I'm enjoying "Ben." He's a good dog. Plus, two folks are off traveling in Italy without having to worry about their pet. =)

15 good minutes

And I'm glad I did. I should be in bed right now. I set the timer for 15 minutes though. I figured I could afford that long no matter what right? And I stayed to my commitment. Gold Star. =)
After I calmed down for about 5 minutes I guess, I started focusing on "beautiful commitment" on the in-breath, and "free of all temptations" on the out-breath. The third precept is, "I vow to refrain from all sexual misconduct." That's wide open for interpretation, but most consider it to mean anything that harms others in even the most subtle way. So, for me, that boils down to looking at pornography and indulging myself that way. It's very hard for me to stop that. It's habit mind that takes over very easily, so I have to be constantly on the lookout for triggers. If I stop it in time, and steer away from it, I'm good. However, if I let myself go down that path at all, I find I'm right back where I didn't want to be. After tonight, I feel pretty good. I think it helped.

Off to dinner

20 minutes.
My legs fell asleep, and again I had the feeling in my thumb, but less than before.
Some chitter-chatter, some non-chitter-chatter.
When my mind is clear and quiet, it's quite nice, a pleasure.
When I get caught up in the future or the past, it's agony. I almost gave up, talked myself into keeping on, and about 20 seconds after that, the bell went off to signal the end of the 20 minutes.
Good work.
Now to eat! =)

20th, after eating and working out.

Tonight was very relaxing. Not much chitter-chatter in my head at all. I noticed something odd...my right thumb felt like it was being stressed from the inside, and it could snap at any moment. Not that there was any pain, just a heavy dose of pressure. I sat for 15 minutes.

Phone call

Meditation was interupted by a phone call. I had planned for 15 minutes, but it ended at 10. Oh well. =) I was practicing "letting go" according to the basic method of meditation outlined by Ajah B. at the Buddhist society of western Austrailia. Same as any really, just not counting the breath like I'm used to, just sitting. It was nice. Easier than counting the breath I think, but maybe that's just because it's new to me. We'll see.